MISS UNIVERSE

Babycakes. Dreamboat. Corn dog? In the minds of men, sweet nothings always mean something

The first time I called my wife "my apple blossom of a thousand perfumes," she started making noises I'd never heard before. I was reaching around her to begin the Heimlich maneuver before I realized they were simply helpless, grunting guffaws.

Maybe I was a little overenthusiastic, but this was early in our marriage, and in those heady times, sweet nothings were still really something. A weekend apart was enough to make me compose sorrowful poems. (To my own horror, I once wrote one that began, "My heart is heavier than the clientele at the Old Country Buffet.") A 6-month anniversary was a chance to write headlong haiku. And if things got a little hackneyed or trite now and then, well, it could be blamed on the recklessness of passion. But marriages change over time, and so do terms of endearment. Recently I told Michelle that I loved her like a corn dog.

Which brings up an important point: It may seem like a bit of the romance is lost in a relationship when something like this happens, but changing from a fragrant flower to batter-covered meat on a stick is not a bad thing. Understanding why that is means taking a closer look at both the mechanics of a sweet nothing and the peculiarities of the male brain.

What's in a Nickname?

When I composed those fanciful phrases early in our relationship, they were made of air and light, wisps of my imagination. When I told Michelle that I loved her like a corn dog, it was far higher praise than it sounds. For starters, I really like corn dogs. And so do our three sons. We've eaten them at many of our happiest times together. They are the default meal at our kids' birthdays, on visits to the state fair, and at roadside restaurants. Corn dogs have become a reminder of all those moments filled with love and laughter and ketchup.

The funny thing is, Michelle doesn't even like corn dogs. This lends still more affection to the pet name because it makes me think of how she pops them in the oven just for us while she nibbles on celery or a deviled egg or one of the other ingredients of a party meal.

Pet names and sweet nothings have become my linguistic shorthand, an unplanned language developed over the years that describes the state of our union at any given moment. Most of the time I call her "honey" or "babe," the pet name equivalents of gray sweatpants. There's nothing wrong with either -- the problem with both comes from overuse. Too many straight weeks of "honey" is an indication that our relationship is flying on autopilot and a signal that we need to book a babysitter soon if we're going to avoid turbulence ahead. If I trot out a "Babycakes" or a "Love Puddle" at least a handful of times each month, then our relationship is going pretty well. If I make something entirely new up, things are rosy indeed.

I wish now that I had written down more of these made-up affectionate labels because I've forgotten most of the things I've called my wife over the years. If I had put them on paper, each would have reminded me immediately of that particular phase in our relationship -- where we were, what we were doing, how we felt about each other. Scientists say that smell is the sense most closely linked to memory, but what if the scent is an imaginary one, made of a thousand apple blossoms? I'd argue that it's just as powerful as any noseful of Chanel.

There are plenty of preexisting factors that can lower your chance of getting divorced. Forget the Vera Wang dress and diamond-studded tiara — here's what you really need before you say I Do

Hit the books

Going to college ups your chances of marrying and reduces your risk of divorce or separation by 13 percent. Fewer money woes and a better ability to negotiate help the relationship work.

Play the waiting game

Wait until you're over 25 to marry and you'll cut your chances of splitting by 24 percent. With a few extra years to explore the world and the people in it, you're better prepped to choose the right mate.

Bond with Dad

Women who have poor relationships with their fathers are more likely to divorce. Being close to Dad helps you when it comes to understanding men better. If yours is out of the picture, your marriage isn't doomed. Studies show that a good relationship with your husband's father can fill the void.

Find God

Having a religious affiliation decreases your odds of divorce by up to 19 percent -- though it's likely because most religions frown on divorce, not because married believers are necessarily happier.

Ask for a raise

Couples who earn at least $50,000 a year reduce their chances of divorce by up to 34 percent. Experts believe (duh) it's because they're less likely to argue over money.

Get knocked up later

Having a baby -- after you've been married at least 7 months -- lowers risk of divorce by 24 percent. Couples who wed after procreating often marry because of the kid, not because the relationship is strong.

Marry a boy toy

Marriages in which the bride is older than the groom are up to 5 percent less likely to dissolve. Experts aren't exactly sure why, but we're willing to follow Demi Moore's lead on faith alone.

Half of what you know about tying the knot is wrong — and that's a good thing. We untangle marriage facts and fiction and reveal the strategies that keep men and women together, happily ever after

Andréa Mallard

Between celeb nuptials that last a nanosecond and reality shows featuring 20 women eager to humiliate themselves for one Flavor Flav, it's easy to think that the state of marriage is imploding faster than a Mentos in Diet Coke. But when you dig into the research, it turns out our culture isn't as commitment-phobic as it seems. "Marriage has changed more in the last 30 years than in the previous 3,000," says Stephanie Coontz, a professor at the Evergreen State College and author of Marriage, A History. And these changes are actually for the better. Whether you're tying the knot now or planning to someday, it's time to make sense of all this matrimonial madness so you're guaranteed to live happily ever after.

We're too busy to be brides.

25 MEDIAN AGE AT WHICH WOMEN GET MARRIED TODAY
21 MEDIAN AGE AT WHICH WOMEN DID 30 YEARS AGO

Around the time you were born, most women were walking down the aisle at the same age you drank your first legal beer and went through your Devil Wears Prada phase. Today, the median age of first marriage is more like 25; 27 if you've gone to college. Getting a law degree or an MBA? Plan to hit the big 3-0 before you get hitched. But we're not stretching out the single life because we're procrastinating or waiting for the perfect guy to come along. Even after college, we pack way more into our 20s than our mothers did (or had the opportunity to) -- getting an advanced degree, renting our first place, lining up thankless internships to pave the way to promising careers. "Young women are postponing marriage because they're busy," says Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist in Detroit and the project director of the Early Years of Marriage study at the University of Michigan's Survey Research Center. "The past decade has been a whirlwind of personal growth for me," says recently married Heather Harding, 31, of Toronto. "All of which I needed to experience before getting married. I went to grad school, I lived abroad, I tried on a couple of careers. Tying the knot just wasn't on my priority list in my early 20s."

Good news: Research shows that taking the time to score some goals before you settle down makes long-term happiness more likely. And, according to statistics, marrying young (before your 25th b-day) bumps up your risk of divorce by 24 percent. Some experts -- and probably your mom -- claim that with a quarter of a decade under our belts, we know ourselves better and so can choose a wiser match.

We try before we buy.

62 PERCENTAGE OF WOMEN WHO LIVE WITH A BOYFRIEND BEFORE GETTING MARRIED
40 PERCENTAGE WHO SHACKED UP BEFORE SEALING THE DEAL 30 YEARS AGO

Nowadays you're a rebel if you don't swap keys before swapping rings. Mekayla Beaver, 27, of Somerville, Massachusetts, has been living with her boyfriend, Greg, for almost a year. "I expect to marry him someday," she says. "But neither of us was ready to take that step when we first moved in together." Within a few months, though, Beaver had relinquished any lingering doubts that he's the one. "It's just a matter of time before one of us proposes," she says. For most of us, living together is a dress rehearsal -- 55 percent of cohabiters get married within 5 years.

Moving in with a beau does have some baggage that's worth unpacking. Research from the 1980s and 1990s suggested that people who lived together before marriage faced a higher risk of divorce -- fodder for conservative groups to claim that those couples had a blasé attitude toward commitment that would lead straight to Splitsville and wreak havoc on the traditional notion of family. But newer, more sophisticated studies suggest otherwise. And because cohabitation has become so mainstream, some experts now consider it a natural extension of dating, rather than a diversion from marriage. While it doesn't protect us from divorce, it doesn't make it any more likely.

And what about that old worry that your guy will be "getting the milk for free," so he won't bother taking the next step? Forget about it. If anyone is going to put off marriage at this stage, it's probably you. "In long-term cohabitating couples, research shows that the woman is more likely to be dragging her feet to the altar -- not the man," says Dorian Solot, coauthor of Unmarried to Each Other and cofounder of the national Alternatives to Marriage Project. Hardly surprising, given that what being a wife has meant historically -- cooking, cleaning, raising kids -- isn't so appealing on its own anymore. "Women want to pursue their own goals," Solot says. "And they want to be sure that getting married is going to allow them to be who they want to be."

Sometimes the male brain reverts back to caveman days. WH helps you figure out what he means

You both agree that for the most part, sexual stereotypes are bunk. But every once in a while, you nag and he drops a line worthy of a caveman. The following strategies will help you translate the next time your conversation inexplicably regresses to 10,000 B.C.

He said what? "Do what you want"
He really means..."I don't like it, but you'll probably do it anyway, so go ahead."
Now you say..."Here are a few choices I'm cool with. Why don't you pick the one that you like best?"
WHY IT WORKS "Men get frustrated discussing options over and over," says Gini Graham Scott, Ph. D., author of Disagreements, Disputes and All-Out War. This gives him a chance to end the waffling--even if you've preselected the solutions.

He said what? "I'm sick of arguing"
He really means..."You're trying to get me to agree with you, and I don't."
Now you say..."I don't want you to say just anything. I'd like to hear what you really think."
WHY IT WORKS "He'll be open to giving you his real opinion if he doesn't feel you have a hidden agenda," Scott says.

He said what? "I don't care"
He really means..."I'm irritated, and talking about this now isn't going to do us any good."
Now you say..."OK. But this is important to me. Can we talk for an hour after brunch tomorrow?"
WHY IT WORKS Big discussions are less intimidating when they're kept within a predetermined time frame. Late morning is when the brain is best able to process information, says Timothy H. Monk, Ph.D., professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine.

He said what? "Whatever"
He really means... "You're talking too much, you're not listening, and I'm losing focus."
Now you say... "You're right--I'm starting to repeat myself. Why don't I take a break and you tell me what you're thinking?"
WHY IT WORKS "You may not agree with what he has to say, but if he feels listened to, it will bring you closer together," says William Glasser, Ph. D., author of Eight Lessons for a Happier Marriage.

Think you know your salt intake? Think again! Your daily sodium intake may be higher than you imagine

Julie Stewart

Pass the salt? Maybe not. Earlier this year, the FDA announced it would reconsider its stance on how much sodium can safely be allowed in packaged foods—which, along with restaurant meals, account for roughly 80 percent of the sodium we consume. There's also been talk that the USDA may lower its teaspoon-a-day limit (which most women exceed by an average of 20 percent).

"Salt is a silent threat," says Jennifer Nelson, R.D., chief of clinical dietetics at the Mayo Clinic Food & Nutrition Center in Rochester, Minnesota. "Often, people are simply unaware and don't realize they're consuming too much." Many of us go beyond the recommended limit of 2,300 milligrams a day. And while we need sodium for proper nerve and muscle function, too much increases our risk of osteoporosis, kidney stones, gastric ulcers, and high blood pressure.

Feeling the Pinch
A salt shakedown could provide a great payoff: A study in The New England Journal of Medicine found that halving your sodium intake may benefit your heart and blood pressure as much as cutting tobacco use in half or shrinking your body mass index (BMI) by 5 percent.

But kicking the habit may be tougher than you think. Salt—like that other seductive white crystal, sugar—may be habit forming, as any margarita fan knows. Research has found that salty tastes activate pleasure receptors in the brain, and in lab rats, sodium deficiency was linked to a key symptom of depression. And as we get used to saltier foods, we need even more of them to satisfy our cravings.

Cutting back
Now for the empowering news: Because salt is an acquired taste, you can wean yourself off it. To discover where sodium hides, you need to rely on your eyes as well as your tongue. Not all culprits are as obvious as a glistening carton of fries, so it's important to read nutrition labels. Sodium is often added during the production process—for example, to tenderize meat—and it's masked by other flavors. Some of the worst offenders: blended coffee drinks (about 240 milligrams in a 16-ounce cup), cheese (248 milligrams in a one-ounce slice of provolone), and baked goods (255 milligrams in a blueberry muffin).

"Reduced sodium" labels can mean a food has as little as 25 percent fewer milligrams than the original, so look for "low sodium" instead—these have no more than 140 milligrams per serving. Also, keep in mind that low-fat and low-calorie foods often have more sodium to compensate in the flavor department.

One of the best and easiest ways to cut back on salt is to eat fewer processed foods, says Nelson. Aim to make three-quarters of your diet whole foods, and cook them at home so you can control the salt level.

These yummy, nutrient-rich, alcoholic recipes will have you mixing drinks all season long

ELECTRIC HONEYDEW
1 Tbsp green tea leaves
1 Tbsp dried chamomile leaves
2 oz gin
3 leaves anise-hyssop
2 oz pureed honeydew (puree in blender)
3/4 oz lemon juice
1/4 oz agave syrup
1 fennel frond, for garnish

In a jar or glass, mix green tea and chamomile leaves with gin and let sit for 3 hours at room temperature. Muddle anise-hyssop leaves, then combine with tea-infused gin, honeydew puree, lemon juice, and agave in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake and strain into a martini glass and garnish with a fennel frond.
MAKES 1 SERVING
Calories: 178

LEMONGRASS LEMONADE
3 stalks lemongrass (available at major supermarkets)
1 cup agave syrup
1 oz lemon juice
1 1/2 oz vodka
4 oz club soda

Syrup: Place 2 stalks lemongrass, agave, and 1 cup water in a saucepan; simmer for 20 minutes. Strain out lemongrass except for two 1-inch pieces; puree. (Makes six 2-ounce servings. Extra syrup will keep in the fridge for up to a week.)
Lemonade: Mix 2 ounces syrup with lemon juice and vodka; shake well. Top with club soda and garnish with lemongrass.
MAKES 1 SERVING
Calories: 189

Lose stomach fat and build ab muscles with these foods

We've got it--the ultimate eater's cheat sheet that will help keep you lean for life. Among the items in this list of abs-friendly foods you'll find nutrient-dense (but flavor-packed!) foods whose components both help you fight fat and build lean muscle.

Bonus: they're also the foods that protect you from stuff like heart disease and cancer. We'll tell you how to eat 'em, and when to eat 'em (you already know why to eat 'em.)

ALMONDS AND OTHER NUTS (WITH SKINS INTACT)
Superpowers Build muscle, reduce cravings
Fights Obesity, heart disease, muscle loss, wrinkles, cancer, high blood pressure

BEANS AND LEGUMES
Superpowers Build muscle, help burn fat, regulate digestion
Fights Obesity, colon cancer, heart disease, high blood pressure

SPINACH AND OTHER GREEN VEGETABLES
Superpowers Neutralize free radicals (molecules that accelerate the aging process)
Fights Cancer, heart disease, stroke, obesity, osteoporosis

Want to read more? You can print the entire list to take wherever you go. Learn more about the list or get the printable version now